Why Making Friends as an Adult Feels Hard (And Why It Doesn’t Have to Be)

When we were younger, new people just… appeared.

Housemates. Work friends. Whoever you ended up next to on a night out. Sat next to someone on a long bus ride up the East Coast of Australia? You were basically friends by Byron Bay. Then one day, you look up and think: Oh. This doesn’t happen automatically anymore.

Now life looks different. Work. Life admin. Plans booked weeks or occasionally, horrifyingly an entire year in advance. And yet, even with full calendars, most of us still feel like we’re missing a bit of community. So why does making friends in your 30s and 40s suddenly feel harder?

1. Life stopped placing people in front of us.

Once uni, house shares and early career chaos fade, you suddenly have to build your own circle. Meanwhile, friends scatter into different life stages: babies, relocations, 5am workouts and you’re left wondering: “Who’s actually around?”

2. Time matters more.

There’s a moment where you leave a dinner, exhale, and think:Well… that took everything out of me. Being selective isn’t flaky it’s self-awareness. But it does make circles smaller.

3. Everyone assumes everyone else is sorted.

(Instagram, we’re talking about you.)

What we’ve learned building It Started With a Trip.

People aren’t bad at making friends.They just rarely get the right environment for connection. Put people somewhere conversation flows naturally where no one feels like they’re pitching themselves or performing and connection happens fast. It's why strangers on our trips go home with group chats that are still in full swing months later. Why people open up, belly-laugh, and feel lighter without even realising it. And we asked ourselves: Why should that feeling only happen when you’re abroad?

So we created: It Started At The Table.

A night that feels like the best parts of being away, the version of you that’s curious, relaxed, and not hiding behind “work mode.” No networking energy or awkward intro's. Just a shared table, a welcome glass of fizz, and a room full of people who want the same thing you do: connection that feels easy. Small group. Low pressure. Ages 30–49. Come solo or bring someone either way, you won’t feel alone for long.

Maybe the problem isn’t that making friends as an adult is hard.

Maybe we’ve just been trying to do it in the wrong places.

This is why we started the brand. And it’s why It Started At The Table exists.

For new stories. New friendships. And that “I didn’t realise I needed this” feeling.

Your seat’s waiting.

Next Table in London: 26 November.

See you there?