It's Monday again... how did that happen?
Do you ever open your laptop, look at your calendar and see a meeting sitting there that not that long ago you’d have been pushing to be in the room for… and now your first thought is just, I have to go to that.
It got me thinking about how different I feel about things now compared to a few years ago.
30-year-old me was first in and last out of the office. I wanted the title, the progression, to be invited into the rooms where I thought things were happening. It all really mattered to me. And to give myself some credit, I made it happen. I got the titles, the seat in the room. I built the career I thought I wanted. But somewhere along the way, things shifted. I think that’s the bit I didn’t expect that what success looks like changes, but more importantly, what it feels like changes too. What I want from life feels different.
Time matters more. The people I spend time with matter more. My circle is smaller, but it’s better. I guess the older we get, the more we realise what actually fills our cup. For me, one of those things is a girls’ weekend with my oldest friends, just us. I’ve got one this weekend and I can’t wait. Countryside, hot tub… ok, I’m getting distracted. Back to reality.
You have a Monday morning like this, where you’re looking at a calendar that technically reflects everything you worked for… and it just doesn’t land in the same way. The version of me who was so driven, who wanted to be in those rooms - she’s still there. She just doesn’t always show up at 9am on a Monday morning… at least not before a few coffees.
Some things I’m trying to show up differently:
Not reaching for my phone the second I wake up… the emails can wait.
Saying no to things I would have automatically said yes to before, and not overthinking it after.
Booking a trip just because I want to not because it’s practical, sensible, or the “right” time. Pretty sure skyscanner is my most used app at this point.
Letting dinner run on longer because the conversation’s good, instead of watching the clock or checking my phone.
Actually switching off in the evening… not half working, half scrolling, and calling it rest.
Trying to make sure that version of me shows up in the week as well… not just at the weekend.
If I’m honest… I don’t think anyone really has this nailed. I think we all just quietly adjust what matters as we go. Maybe it’s ok that what I wanted at 30 isn’t exactly what I want now almost a decade later. Maybe it’s ok that I’m still figuring it out. Aren't we all?
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